shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
