Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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