I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
