I love black thongs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
