four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
