Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
