I am in a vortex of obligation.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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