You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
