you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
