This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
