maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize