Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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