my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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