it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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