There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
