took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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