i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
