There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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