Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
