Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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