This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
