I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize