I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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