The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
