I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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