sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
