I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
