I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
