a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize