you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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