her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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