Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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