I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
