he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
