i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
