I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
