saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
