the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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