in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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