All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
