I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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