You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
