Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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