Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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