I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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