I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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