She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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