I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize