I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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