Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
