My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
