Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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