Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
