You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
