and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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