Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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