the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
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