There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
