It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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