How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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