Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
