I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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