there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
