Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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