It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
