took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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