Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
