is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dick has a subreddit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.