somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will be naked everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
