You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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