she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
