at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone signed my nipple.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
