Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
