I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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