I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
