this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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